My World

My world has just been totally turned upside down. I don't know when I will be back.

The Train Whistle

The night is quiet and still. Occasionally the wind will stir the trees in the distance. I know it is there, but I don't feel it. A train passes a couple of miles away. I only know this because the whistle claims my ear as if the train is right next to me. I don't know why this whistle bothers me so much but I get the shivers every time it encounters me alone in the dark.

During the day, the sound is absorbed by all of the activity sounding our little town. At night, though, that whistle knows when I'm alone and vulnerable. I shrink further into my own skin when the conductor pulls the chain. I can envision a skeleton standing at the window with his arm on the chain waiting for me, and finding me, he yanks hard. I wonder how his bones don't separate with the force of his vengeance for me.

The eyes of the conductor, gaping holes in a gray skull, seek my soul in the dark of midnight. I am often outdoors at this time enjoying my solitude and the quiet of the night. I know he often lifts his engineer's cap at me and waves. This doesn't make sense as the train is not visible from here. But he knows I'm there. He knows that I know he's there. We've had a cat and mouse existence for years. Unfortunately, I've become weary of the game. The conductor might catch me soon.

Behind the Times

So here we are at the end of the first week of the new year. I haven't caught up on the poetry I was supposed to write and the only story I wrote was based strongly on a journal entry I read. Of course, I did get two days out of it, but still. Sorry, Angie.

During the week, we tend to be so busy that we often don't have time to think about how we feel or what's going on. Come the weekend, we have less rigorous activity and a less defined schedule. We find out just exactly how tired we are and how much we've been abusing ourselves. I've been under the weather today. I'm not terrible, I'm just not great. And, I'm not terribly motivated either.

Hopefully, this slump will pass. I'm going to call it the winter blues for the moment. Too bad winter is only a couple of weeks old. But, it isn't too late for Christmas. I finally got my hands on "Christmas with the Kranks." I think the book was better, but I did enjoy the movie. We watched it last night. I thought that Spike sounded older in the book. I do like Tim Allen, though.

Happy Saturday, all.

The Weekend

Ah, time off again is here. I'm very glad that I don't have to work tomorrow. This is only a small satisfaction from an otherwise very long week. Winter is back today. We saw some snow and it got quite cold. My car doors were frozen this morning as were my windshield wipers. Once I got inside the car, I still had to get all of the ice of the windows (well, most of it). That's a great way to start the morning. I think it was Mother Nature's way of getting even.

Otherwise, the day was busy as usual. At least there weren't any new developments. Sometimes it helps just to be able to coast through busy without having the drastic ups and downs. I could use a few more of those.

I hope you guys all have a great weekend.

The Grindstone

I left work on 12/21/05 in the midst of two parts of a project. We'll call it two projects to keep it simpler. I went back on 1/3/06 to those two projects plus two more that are due this month. And one of those has to be done twice! Needless to say, I've been extremely busy and getting stressed. All that rest I got while I was out fell to the way side on the 3rd. I'm in desperate need for another vacation already!

I'm slowing, but surely, trying to do little pieces of everything and so far, I'm hanging in there. We'll see how this month shakes out.

Have a good night, all.

Time Tricks Us

I knew I couldn't stick around and watch my grandfather wither away. He wasn't the man I had just seen. He was the man I remembered from all those years ago. We spent many summers hiking through the woods and fishing in the lake. That was the man I wanted to remember...to remember anything less would be too painful. This was only a fraction of his former self.

Even though it was painful to see him like this, I'm glad I put forth the effort. It only strengthens what I knew. The voice and the eyes are still the same. The eyes know me. The voice reprimands me for staying away so long even though we both know why. This is what I came for. The memories came back more vividly after the encounter. These are the memories I will carry with me. This is the comfort I had sought.

They always said you could never go back home. This is true. Some things never change, but time takes its toll. There's no way to change back a clock after you've left. There's no way to really recapture the feelings you had unless you never leave in the first place. Going back, though, helps the memories. Going back puts things into perspective. Going back was the right thing to do.

Why is it always harder to do the right thing?

Time Ravages On

The man sitting in front of me was one I had known my entire life. The man sitting in front of me was only a shrunken image of the man I had known. He was dying and we both knew it. I took his had and tried to convey with ineffectual words all that needed to be said and done. I knew this man and he knew me. We loved each other. The years, however, had not been kind to either of us. We no longer had any connection except for blood.

What was is sometimes harder to let go of that what actually is. The next time I saw him would be at his funeral. I can only hope that my appearance that day was enough to let him know that I remembered what we had. I cherished those years together before our lives took us on different roads of adventure. His life hadn't gone that far since I left, but time had caught up with him.

My own life had been busy. The people I left behind were thought of only when the need arose. Sometimes that need came too late. There is no way to take back time once it has gone. We can only hope to do a better job in the future.

Time is Running Out

I am so not ready to go back to work. I enjoyed my time away from the office and don't want to see it end. I didn't get as much done as I would have liked either. Be that as it may, I go back to work tomorrow. I go back to getting up at an unglodly hour to travel the elements to get to my job. Ugh!

I hope all is going well for you. I don't think many are reading these days, but if you're there, pleae know you are appreciated. Once I get back into some kind of routine, I'll try to come up with some more inventive posts. I know the last several have been pretty drab.

Have a good week all.

First Day

I didn't expect to go visiting today, but that's exactly what we did. We got back home around 4 and it was time to start cooking. I would have preferred a more leisurely day, but it was all good either way. My dinner was absolutely wonderful. My recipe for Swedish meatballs has never let me down. I had them simmering after only an hour and a half. Now if I could just cut down on the prep time, I'd be in business.

All the shows have been repeats lately. We have one movie left to watch and haven't been in any hurry to view it. Most evenings we spend doing puzzles together. I still can't get enough Sudoku. You really should try them if you haven't. I even finished a book. Do you remember the movie "Christmas with the Kranks?" The book, "Skipping Christmas," is the basis for that movie. It is written by John Grisham. When the movie came out, I decided I had to read the book. We couldn't find it last year. This year, we found it several times. I handed it to my mother and opened it on Christmas Eve. I loved the story. Now I have to see the movie, but we're still waiting for the library to get it.

I actually got five books this Christmas. I hope to start another one before I go back to work on Tuesday. One of the books is the Norton's Anthology of Poetry. I really need to do some serious reading there. I still have an American Literature poetry book from a couple of years ago as well. Even if I don't pay too much attention to them now, I'm glad I have them so that I can eventually see what makes it into these anthologies. Maybe when I get inspired again, we'll get to these books.

We are going to do some puzzles now. I hope everyone had a great start to their new year.